Onus of pain by Asif Sultan

Onus of Pain

Asif Sultan

12-03-2020

Turned the lights off. I made my bed to sleep. A profound darkness spread all over my room. I slid down in my bed and wrapped my shivering body with a warm cozy blanket swathed with a white covered quilt. Fixed the cushion over the pillow to recline on and started thinking of her till I fall asleep, soon after I slurped down 'some' medicines. I groped for my phone and turned it off and threw it away off my bed- Unlike of my usual way of keeping it on the pillow so close to my ears so that I could hear instantly the ring and receive her call without making her little wait-- Sooner I slid myself under the duvet,  sleep took over me and seized me in a deep slumber. I felt warm, thus was oblivious of everything- calm sleep it was! Suddenly, I woke up squinting my eyes and I found myself completely drenched in cold sweat; trembling and restless I was yearning for her- to hear her solacing voice. I was panting out of breath and stood up and switched on the light, thus roamed within my room for awhile like a wailing woman, though suffocating it was! I couldn't resist myself calling her, I stopped myself again and again but couldn't help. Therefore I jumped towards my phone and switched it on; and called her. The sooner bell rang than she received it.  As she bade Salaam, my restlessness vanished and I felt composed and soothed. I talked to her a lot; I bitterly cried and told her how much lonely I had been without her; I submitted all my grievances to her and complained her of my intense pain. I told her how everyday I wake up with an unbearable onus of pain and longing; I told her about the usual torture of waiting- I told her everything, she didn't talk, but was just crying- she too was missing me badly, she said. Thus I shunned complaining and expressing my terrible wretchedness and tried to tried to pamper her; attempted to cheer her up and make her feel that I was alright. Then, we both started crying. She and I both hiccuping weeping in a same tone...no talks at all, just weeping. Meanwhile, a strange silence took over the night; no one talked, we felt the soothing, rightly so, silence. I imagined of her crying and me wiping her tears with my perspired hands- I fondled her cheeks and cupped her chin in my hand and gave her a tender thump, jestly; she smiled but eyes brimmed with tears...

I shivering, spoke and broke this unusual silence, "Hey Jani!, I whispered.

"Hey love! why don't you talk?" I said again.  "Everything alright?"

No answer...

"Zuvaaa...!", I said a bit louder and I in the spur of a moment opened my eyes. There I was, leaning under my duvet the way I slept, lately. I searched my ears, while uttering her name, for head phone, it wasn't there. Phone was lying at the same place where I kept it off before I slept; and I soaked in sweat and a stream of tears slopping down my cheeks and heart with an onus of pain...